expectations and the shocking truth

ehhh 15 years ago i was expecting to have a loving husband, 4 kids, a house with a garden, a cat and a dog (maybe other things also but i dont remember) and now i am single with one child, renting a house and have a hamster - where are my other 3 kids and my loving (and absolutely gorgeous)man? where is my own house and the whole menagerie??? what happened? life happened expectations changed and everything took on a different shape that is not to say that i will finish my life as it is now - i still plan to have more kids and a loving and absolutely gorgeous man who is everything that a woman could possibly dream about :) i will make him my husband and we will buy a lovely house together we will have passion, compassion, routine boring life and exciting moments - all blocked into a happy life these are the dreams - reality will show itself - my Prince Charming is still to gallop up my driveway on a white steed (although i would prefer a car and no galloping) and make me the happiest woman on earth are you reading this my Prince???

change is good

had considered some things i was told as unreasonable and cruel and purely evil, however i can now see the wisdom in all that kudos again Mr Right - u were right all along, i cannot say i was wrong, i just did not know better - i am certain that i just needed this to grow inside myself, to grow more patient, more resilient, stronger, dare i say wiser? that still remains to be seen , but boy did it hit me today i have actually grown up maybe not quite completely yet, but i am so much more ready to embrace certain things - i feel ready i feel comfortable i feel content does it all make sense? i am not very sure - but i know i feel so much better inside now i just need to transfer the inside into the outside and we're laughing :) well i will be anyway my outside aint that completely bad just yet ;) ehhhh i just hope and pray that this state of contentment lasts forever this happiness for no reason and that loving life just now and all because i have allowed myself to open to change isnt this just marvellous!!! :)

welcome again :)

so much has changed since i was last here i mean lots and lots of stuff my Guest still the same - still greatly loved, adored, appreciated and admired, me - different in many ways, the same in many other ways learning life the hard way learning life the easy way learning life the fun way learning life the boring way just learning life cannot learn it like a poem but can do it anyway so many things want to be written so many things are pushing onto the page but i will just wait for now - i will give them time to organise then i will put them down still learning you see :)